Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
