It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
