Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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