Can Purell be used as lube?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
