you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
