Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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