the condom got lost in my hair
you win again, gameday.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
