I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
