we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
