I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
