I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
