I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
