I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
