i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
