Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
