dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
