So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
