i think my tv is drunk
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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