Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
