I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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