Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
