i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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