She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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