Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
