You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
