pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
