Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Yo dont text me then not text me
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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