ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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