awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just blew my weed a kiss
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
