Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
