so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
