you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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