I got chris browned last night
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The air taste purple.
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