she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
