I just cut my nipple shaving
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
