I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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