A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
