then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
