I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
