and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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