He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
