I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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