My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
