The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
