So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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