so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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