SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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