somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
