Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
