omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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