peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
