I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
