made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
