the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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