i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
