we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
