just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
