just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
