did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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