I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Randomize
