Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
