Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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