If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Randomize
