Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
