I would go down on you faster than GM stock
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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