There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The adults are the big ones right?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
