Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I need moral support for this bender
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
